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The Weeping Lecturer

In the morning, the heavens opened and it began to rain. Bella grabbed her umbrella to get to school, as she walked out of the hostel the first

Communication in marriage

Communication is the key to every marriage. Lack of communication is the number one cause of divorce in our recent day marriages.

It's true that everyone was born with one mouth and two ears- which are the basic tools for communication.
Meanwhile couples must learn how to use their mouths and ears properly for true communication to take place. I can simply put it that communication is the process- either verbal or non verbal, of sharing information with another person in such a way that he or she understands what you are saying.

Talking, listening and understanding are all involved in the process of communication. There are three basic elements in proper communication: talking, listening and understanding- without these three there is no communication.

It's important we look at each briefly:
Talking: we are usually willing to talk but one of the problems is that most of us have little difficulty talking. We are usually willing to give an opinion or offer advice even when it isn't or hasn't been requested of us. Often our communication problems are not from just talking but talking to much and this often occurs among women.

I have to advice us- sometimes our communication is best accomplished in writing but make sure your family members get your messages clearly by leaving notes on the bulletin board, on the counter or by the telephone. But I found out that a card or letter sent through the mail seems to be more enthusiastically received than a note left out to be found.

Listening: see "listening skill" "my husband preoccupied with self" listening is a skill which most people haven't learnt very well. Among these three- talking, listening and understanding, I tell you listening is the toughest among them. It is the most trouble area in communication. Instead of patiently hearing what our mates have to say, most of us can hardly wait until they stop talking. We should be ready to listen at least twice as much as we speak.

Listening is the disciplined ability to savour your partner's words much like you savour and enjoy a thoughtful gift etc. To properly listen is to take time to digest the content of the message and let it get under your skin and into your system. When we openly and patiently listen to our mates, we truly learn from them.

Understanding: we may speak clearly and our mates may listen intently, but if they don't understand the message, we haven't communicated very well. And there are two major barriers or reasons why we fail to communicate this way. The first reason is this, when we speak, there is often a difference between what we mean to say and what we really say.

Though the idea may be clear in your head but the words you choose to express your idea may not be fitting or adequate causing lack of understanding. The other reason may be when we listen there is a difference between what we hear and what we think we hear. It may be that the word you heard correctly conveyed the speaker's idea to everyone else but you misunderstood them.

The way to help your communication is to repeat to your mate what you heard and then endeavour to ask, is that what you said or what you mean as the case may be? It is called active listening. This means keeping the channel of communication wide open and flowing.

Click here "How to solve communication breakdown"

Click to learn also "Acts that show affection".

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